Running With the Weary

Best Coolest

2011-05-01T21:56:00.000-06:00

A survey for one of the coolest classes ever had to be shared on our personal blogs. So here you go.

The class is called Comic Book Appreciation!

1. Outside of school and your comics, have you written any fiction or non-fiction? Do you like to read prose fiction or non-fiction?

I have only ever written story ideas out and maybe a short chapter or two. Oddly I have none of those saved. I also like to draw maps and character summary sheets.

2. Would you say you have a good awareness of the history of American comics?

None

3. Off the top of your head, could you name 5 artists who worked in comics before 1980? Do you have a favorite?

Stan Lee?

4. Could you name 5 artists who work or worked in newspaper comics?

Charles Schultz, Jim Davis, Gary Larson

5. Could you name any contemporary cartoonists from Europe? Do you have a favorite?

Nope

6. Could you name any contemporary manga artists from Japan? Do you have a favorite?

Nope

7. Do you read European comics?

Nope

8. Do you read any manga?

Too much of a social stigma. I can't bring myself to do it.

9. Do you regularly draw in a sketchbook or write in a journal?

Both. Very irregularly though.

10. Would you say you have a good working ability to drawing with brush and ink? If so, how long have you used a brush? What types?

Nope... Working on it though.

11. Which magazines or websites do you regularly read in order to get comics news?

None

12. Which magazines or websites do you regularly read in order to get news of current events?

uh.... facebook...

13. Do you go to comic book conventions or festivals? If so--which ones?

Always wanted to go to ComiCon

14. Have you ever sat through a portfolio review with a professional editor? If so, could you briefly sum up their message for you?

Nope

15. Have you ever had your work published? If so, where?

Nope

16. How long have you been drawing?

2 Years

17. Do you like to go to museums? Do you have any favorite "fine" artists, either living or dead? Film directors?

Yes. Norman Rockwell has always been something of a marvel to me. I also like Leyendecker

18. Would you think it could be useful or beneficial to watch a film or films as a group and discuss it afterwards as it may relate to comics? Do you have a recommendation for such a film?

Yes, but I can't think of any. I do love to analyze some of the more artistic shots though. Noir genre is especially cool.

19. What ethnographic background do you have and how confident are you in acting as an expert of resource of that background?

British-Germanic. I know a little bit about England. Served my mission there.

20. What comic or book or movie have you read/seen at least 5 times? And 10 times?

Princess Bride, Sword in the Stone, Peter Pan, The Last Unicorn, Dispicable Me, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, V for Vendetta

I have never read a book five times but books I have read more than once would be A Wrinkle in Time and The Giver.

Nothing over 10 times.

Where will you be tomorrow?

2011-02-21T18:06:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately and it should be common knowledge to most folks that "what you invest in today creates your tomorrow." Sometimes you just need a day where you can let your mind wander, be unproductive, and unwind. A day where you can box up all of your stress, stick it in your sock drawer, and go about your day with all that stuff out of sight.

Eventually, you're going to have to come back to that "stuff." And though some of it is fun, some of it is hard, and some is horrible, what you take care of today will be that much less for you to take care of tomorrow.

The lab has been having issues lately and because of it, I have been unable to work on a project that should have been finished a week ago. But the good news is that I got to have one of those days to reflect.

I've noticed that I have been thinking a lot about the past, about the "could-have-beens" and the "what-ifs," for probably the past two weeks or so. The worst part is that it's effort wasted. It does absolutely no good to think about those things. It's depressing, demotivating, and demoralizing. For me, the "could-have-beens" and the "what-ifs" are all failures. It's not wishful thinking, it's worthless thinking.

The best advice I received this past week was from my roommate who said, "Man, you just gotta stop worrying about stuff. What happens, happens. You just gotta be yourself and move [forward]."

I don't know how many times I've heard that advice from multiple sources but this time it was what I needed to hear. I think that I am just so prone to worrying, that I worry my problems into reality.

So I am just going to start focusing on today. I use yesterday too often to justify my todays when it needs to be quite the opposite. I need to start justifying my actions based on tomorrow. "Does where I want to be tomorrow justify my actions today?" I think a person can stay much more positive and productive when they can create that kind of vision. That kind of direction.

I guess I'll end by asking, do you know where you want to be tomorrow? What are you doing today to get there?

In light of Valentines Day...

2011-02-13T17:35:00.000-07:00

My life, as explained by my friend Mario:

But just so you know... I will never stop jumping.

Good Friends

2011-01-30T22:45:00.000-07:00

The value of good friends is a price impossible to define.

The month of January has truly been about reconnecting. I have had an opportunity to reconnect in some way with most of the people I would consider my best friends. People who have effected my life in such a way that time cannot erode the bonds of friendship and trust.

I am so grateful for the many positive influences that I have had in my life, and I thank my Heavenly Father for each one of them. I know I would not be where I am if I didn't have the type of friends who were brave enough to stand for truth and were bold enough to tell me that I needed to try harder.

I hope each of you know who you are. I am not going to make a list.

But thanks. Life is just that much better because of good friends.

Another Abundant Year

2011-01-02T19:17:00.002-07:00

So after an amazing year last year, I am excited for another one! It was truly a year of abundance and I have many plans to make 2011 even better.

To sum up last year, it was a year of risk, of friends, of growth, and of accomplishment. I gained new vision as to who I want to be and what I want to become.

I loved 2010.

And I will miss it but time never stops.

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about CHANGE. I have been who I am for 25 years and if it's one thing that I know is difficult in my life, it's my personal ability to change.

I have always been prone to idleness, as well as the path of least resistance. For a long time I have felt comfortable being on the upper end of mediocrity. But mediocrity is just that, and I have come to hate it. I hate always feeling like I could have done better. I hate always feeling like I didn't take the last few steps in order to achieve excellence.

So following an Abundant Year, I am going to make 2011 the Excellent Year.

I am going to strive for excellence in all that I do. I have found that everything in life matters, even the small things and I am going to try and figure out what those small things are and strive to make them just as excellent as the big things. Excellence is a habit and I want that habit.

So welcome 2011. In the word's of Bill S. Preston, Esq. and Ted "Theodore" Logan, you are going to be "Excellent!"

Challenges

2010-08-11T23:46:00.000-06:00

(this one is a long one, sorry)

It is funny how life can be so hard but so great at the same time. Well I am convinced that it’s the difficult things in life that make life so worth living.

This summer has truly been a summer of abundance. I have started and left a business, I have applied twice for a college program, and I have taught teenagers about Christ. It seems weird to say that I really have only done three things this summer, and you might think, “You didn’t ONLY do those things, surely you went on trips, partied with your friends, and other things.” Well… Nope. I didn’t really do much of those things at all. Many can attest to the fact that the phrase most uttered from my lips was, “Sorry, I’m just too busy.”

The business venture has been an amazing experience for me. It is single handedly the hardest thing I have ever attempted. Two friends of mine and I started it in January but our first job was in May. What we thought would be a seven day job turned into a month and three weeks of brutal hours, and tired hands and feet. I lost 5 lbs simply from the stress and worry, and if sleep could be measured in weight, it would be an even bigger number. I had cement literally eat away the skin from my fingers, I had acid stain almost every article of clothing I own, and I had disappointment make my heart bleed every time our work just wasn't good enough.

To add to that, my summer started with a declined application to the Animation Program at BYU. I was invited to re-apply in August and had three months to improve my portfolio before it was reviewed. The downside to this second chance is that I couldn’t work on it and my business at the same time. The stress of pushing it aside and saving it for later when there seemed to be no later in sight was disastrous. I could only foresee another year of empty classes at college while I worked on my art in preparation for next April’s application. With a few new drawings and a measly excuse for a sketchbook, I turned in my new portfolio on August 2^nd, without any guess about what might happen.

The last challenge was my job as a counselor for a program called Especially For Youth. It is a week long program of workshops and devotionals designed by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for teens 14 through 18. I was intimidated and scared and had 4 weeks to prepare for. These kids are at such a volatile point in their lives and their impression of the church and the gospel of our Savior could swing in either direction based on their perception of me and what I taught.

Now that it’s all over, I think back to the hardship, the stress, the sweat, and the tears, and I can’t help but think that I would do it all again in a heartbeat. The rewards from those three things may not have been monetary, but have been worth every ounce of effort put into them. Though I left the business, I learned so much about work, about customers, expectations, quality, teamwork, friendship, sacrifice, and life. From EFY I learned so much about the gospel. My testimony grew in ways that hasn’t happened since my mission. I gained so many new and wonderful friends that my skewed perception of society has also been corrected. I realize that there really are still good people out there. And from my second portfolio submission, I can only say that I know God hears and answers prayers, and fills in the gaps after we have nothing left to give.

Lastly, I realize now that with every challenge that is overcome, another takes its place. The only thing we can do is continue to work, to live, and to love. And, If our perspective of life is in the right place, we can’t help but learn and grow, If we view things in the right light, it’s hard to have any regrets. A song from EFY this year says, “mistakes of the past don’t define us, they refine us.” I think that the word ‘mistakes’ could easily be replaced with the word ‘challenges’ or ‘trials’. We are not defined but refined by our experiences.

I didn’t make any money from my business but I gained knowledge. EFY was intimidating, but I was brought to a remembrance of who I am and was strengthened by friends who have my same standards and beliefs. I didn’t have time to put more work into my art, but God stepped in and made up the difference. I made it in. And now I have challenges ahead of me that have replaced each of those things. All I can say is that I am excited to see where these new challenges take me and how they will continue to shape who I am.

I am truly grateful for this challenge that some people call life.

My Study/My New Friends - (Two Posts with one Submission)

2010-06-19T00:17:00.000-06:00

My Study

So, for all those who were on the edge of your seats waiting for the results of my 30 days, prepare for disappointment.

For the first time, the reason for my un-success is my semi-success.

Some of you might know already that I am part owner in a company that designs and manufactures concrete countertops. Well, we landed our first commercial job about 2 months ago and thought we were ready for it. Well, it was ready for us.

It has thoroughly put all 3 of us through the ringer and it isn’t finished yet. I can honestly say that this is the hardest thing that I have ever done, and I look forward to the end. I have never spent so much time, had so much stress, and lost so much sleep over anything in my life. And to add on top of it, this project has taken so long that my life has officially become unbalanced. My room is a mess. So is my social life. I am barely fulfilling my calling and have relied on the kindness of others to get things outside of work completed.

But in no way to I say these things for pity or complaint. I have learned so much. And I have grown closer to God and have learned the true meaning of work, of sacrifice, and teamwork. I have been taught so much about the true meaning of quality, honesty, and integrity. My life will forever be different when this is over.

But I can’t wait for it to be over…

The funny thing is that as I appealed to Heavenly Father for help in improving my life, I thought that the lesson would come the same as it always had in the past: an increased desire to read and pray, and this a reflection of that desire in my daily activities. Instead, I feel as though I went through a spiritual boot camp.

This job required more patience than I had to give. More strength than was to be found in my meager physical bag of bones. More humility than I had ever possessed. I know where most of it came from, but I have to give credit to my partners. I find that being accountable to two people I admire and respect gives me more drive and motivation than any silver tongued motivational speaker could ever produce. The rest could only have come from God.

Patience, humility, diligence. Repentance.

My life has been so blessed, and all I can say for it is that God hears us. He answers our prayers in ways that is best for us. Even though the answers are so hard sometimes. I never really understood it when people would tell me about how they learned things from the most difficult of situations until now. I always believed it but now I know.

I guess I am only 24. I have a lot of time ahead of me, hopefully. I am sure that there will still be more to learn. But right now, I will ust continue exercising patience. Through the continued stress and added grey hairs on my head, I will continue to try my best to endure my trials and enjoy my life. Even if those trials never end. Because sometimes in this life, they don’t.

I guess I did learn a lot from my 30 days. And if you can do something for 30 days straight, you can do it for a lifetime.

My New Friends

So, someone asked me the other day, “Hey Chad, how’s the Crew?”

“The Crew?”

“Yeah, we know about the crew. You know, the group of friends that we can’t be a part of?”

“Oh whatever, you could totally come if you—“

“Nope, our friend made it pretty clear that we weren’t welcome. It’s for you single cool kids and apparently we would mess up the chemistry you guys got going.”

Anyway, I laughed, because apparently I am now a part of an elitist group of friends. But as they asked me about how I liked it I found my replies most intriuguing.

“So do you like the crew?”

Me: “I guess. I just feel like there is a lot of drama. But we have a lot of fun.”

“Like what drama?”

Me: “You know, this person likes this person but they like this other person, and everyone thinks this about one person… You know, standard drama.”

“So who likes who?”

*Here is my prideful moment*

Me: “I can’t tell you that.”

“What? You can’t say that and not tell us!”

Me: “I can and I will. I gotta be true to the crew, you know?”

“We won’t tell anyone, come on.”

Me: “Nope, you don’t need to know and I’m not gonna tell ya. I have integrity. I can’t let down my friends.”

So apparently I have an innate allegiance to a group of elitist friends that I didn’t even know I had. Cool huh?

But seriously, I am pretty darn grateful for a bunch of people who I would never have guessed would hang out, and have so much to learn from each other. Pretty Darn. Let’s see if it lasts. It’s been a long time since I have had a good group of friends. A group of people I can trust.

Thanks.

Long Distance

2010-05-25T09:34:00.000-06:00

Remember the days when you couldn't call outside of your town because the phone company would charge exuberant prices if you did? Now Long Distance charges are one of those things you bring up and most people are like, what? What is that?

Anyway, it's been an insane couple of weeks. For those who don't know, I am part owner of a concrete counter top business, and it is going extremely well! We landed our first job in Springville and are working insanely hard trying to pour in place some counter top surface. It is so labor intensive. And I think I have never worked this hard in my life. Last Thursday, we arrived at the job site at 7:30 am, and didn't leave the job site until 3:30 am the next day. It was the very first 20 hour work day of my life.

Needless to say, the whole weekend was kind of like that. Not all work, but a ton of other activities in there as well. So I slept in today and now I don't know what to do with myself. So I am writing.

Relationships sure are funny things. At least for me. I am kind of dating this girl long distance, but I am often finding myself frustrated with the lack of communication and my interest in the relationship is waning. I like her a lot, but the longer we don't see or speak to each other... well lets just say I have a lot of other things on my mind that take precedence.

This is also my first summer that I have stayed in Provo and I have met so many great individuals. It is so much fun! If only the weather would cooperate.

So I don't know if I should just push through and deal with my frustration or just give up. The sad part is I know what I would prefer...

I always thought long distance charges were dumb...

The P.o.S.

2010-05-11T21:59:00.000-06:00

So this is my wall.

It will soon be the P.o.S. :) Or in better terms, it will become the accumulation of 30 days of study about the Plan of Salvation. So here is the before. Take a good look because on June 9th, at the end of my study, I will take a picture and you can see my progress.

I suppose the thought that spurred this was I was sitting here thinking about how I have been so unproductive lately, wasting time when I could be accomplishing whatever I want (or need). I truly believe that if somebody works hard enough and long enough, they can achieve anything.

So my test is this: If I can do it for 30 days, I can do it for a lifetime. Commitment baby! That's what we are going for here. And to keep things balanced, the two things under that 30 are Daily Exercise and Daily Scripture Study. Temporal and Spiritual, because really they are the same thing.

I am grateful to be a member of the one church on earth that has the authority to administer the ordinances of Jesus Christ. I am grateful to be a disciple of Christ, and for the scriptures that help me be a better one. I am even more grateful that Christ's atonement doesn't just cleanse us from sin, but gives us comfort, motivation, and peace. That's true happiness.

Are you happy?

The Car (Golden Bullet, The Boat, The Grandma Cruiser)

2010-04-28T20:58:00.001-06:00

This is my Car. I got this from my parents for a whole dollar. It was a help-you-out type of deal and every day, I am ever grateful for having a reliable mode of transportation and no car payment. It used to be my Grandfather's before he passed away. I wish it still looked as good as the one in this picture but alas, college life and college parking lots are not too kindly to the old Grandma Cruiser.

My car is a place to think, to listen, and to sleep.
Allow me to explain...

On long drives, sometimes I find it extremely useful to turn off my music, turn off the air, listen to the hum of the engine and think. Sadly, it is the place where I come up with the coolest things to write about, but since I can't jot down a note while weaving through horrible Utah traffic, I often forget those things. But the thing I like most about my time in the think tank is how I feel.

It is often in the car that I come to realizations about myself. That I really am a good person. Despite my self doubt and anxiety, I come to realize that I love who I am, I can do whatever I want to in this life, and that there is always someone who loves me. Among other things, I like motorcycles, art, and Nissan 350Zs...

Other times, I love nothing more than to play the music that matches my mood and just give in. I love music, and in my car, I can sing along as loud and as awful as I want. Sometimes, it's Blink 182 (edited), others it's a little Coldplay or U2, and then sometimes, it's just good ol' classical music. When there is words, I sing along, when there isn't I hum. I think it's because I like the sensation of the tones matching and vibrating in my throat.

And then of course, as long as someone else is driving, the car has become a place to sleep. Ever since I was little, I can remember being lulled into sweet slumber by the engine's hum, the blowing air, and the quiet music. I can sleep anywhere, and I can usually fight the sleep, but as a passenger in a car, (and my business partners can attest to this) I fall asleep almost every time. Sometimes in the oddest positions...

So yeah, this car and I have been through a lot. A LOT. It has truly been my lifeline in some situations as well as my private escape. So thanks Chrysler, for making such a good car. And thanks Mom and Dad for really helping me out. It is truly a gift that becomes more valuable the longer it lasts.

Lack of writing...

2010-04-25T17:50:00.000-06:00

So I have had the urge to write in the weirdest of places, and most places make it impossible for me to write. I thought of all sorts of cool things to write about too! But alas, some of those may never come to fruition on this blog. I am just too darn busy.

On another note, I didn't make it into the Animation Program, but I did get invited to re-apply in August with the transfer students! That is actually a huge deal, because it gives me a chance to re-apply without having to wait a whole year. It also means that I was in the top 30 students that applied. Because they only take 25 students a year, they accept 14 at the end of Winter Semester and then save 11 spots to be filled in august by transfer students and 16 BYU students chosen to re-apply. So I take this as an incredibly good sign.

In preparation, I will be taking a spring figure drawing class by Chad Barksdale, a teacher who has a waiting list that I finally reached the top of. My skills will only improve and I feel confident in re-applying if I stick to my summer drawing improvement program.

Lastly, my concrete counter top business has gotten it's first big job awarded. We are manufacturing pour-in-place counter-tops for an office complex in Springville. It's a big step, and a resume builder. The job will also pay the three partners back and then some for all the monies we each invested into the company, meaning we will be operating "in the black" so to speak. It's pretty exciting.

I do hope to find time to write more, because I finally realized that that is why I have a blog. I love to write. And I love your feedback! Thanks for reading everyone and I wish you all a great summer!

-Chad

Personal Life Update

2010-03-20T18:03:00.001-06:00

So three things that are coming up/in progress:

1. Diet
2. Animation application
3. Summer/Backup Plan

So life is good. I truly feel that I have been living abundantly so far this year.

For those who know me, I am an avid cyclist(as of last summer), and since the season is coming up, I have started to drop some weight! I am really excited about it because I have dropped a lot in just a short amount of time, and it will make my summer cycling season a lot better! If you want to read more about the diet, click on the link in the sidebar. I update it daily. :)

The animation application is due April 1st and I still have a lot to do. I need to finish my portfolio, fill a whole new sketchbook and then get it all evaluated by my teacher before I submit it. I am excited but very nervous. I may not make it in and I don't have the time to waste to try and apply in another year. Will keep you posted though.

As for summer, I am considering a few options, but one thing I really want to take off is my Concrete Counter top business. My friends and I started it back in January and though we have been most involved in product development, our product is finally starting to look really good. So we will be trying to market and sell those, all while in my free time, I will be bike riding around the Wasatch area.

As for my backup plan if I don't get into animation, I am thinking something along the lines of business, perhaps with an emphasis in Human Resources/Organizational Behavior.

So there is a bit of an update on me!

Theatrical Arts

2010-03-13T19:36:00.000-07:00

So for the past 3 years I have been primarily focused on the Visual Arts. And a love of mine that I had almost forgotten was that of the performing arts, specifically the theater.

I attended the Snake River High School's performance of "Thoroughly Modern Millie." And to say in a complimentary way, it was very 'high school.' I loved the whole thing just for that reason.

The kids did great and it showed how hard they had worked in the past months to do such a wonderful performance. From where we sat there were some sound problems but I think that added to the whole experience for me.

The reason is because it took me back to when I was in those plays. When I was singing and attempting to dance, and trying to remember my lines. To the costume changes, the scene changes, the late entrances, the missing props, the backstage drama, the backstage pranks, the geeky technical crew (who were mostly made of close friends of mine), the foam sets, and so much more. The yelling, the crying, the misbehaving, the kissing, the fighting, the laughing! There are countless memories more that I could tie to a thousand more things!

My last night of Les Mis, I had just played the 'role of a lifetime' as Jean Valjean. But no more, it was over, and I would graduate in a few months. No more high school plays for me. Most everyone went home and I just sat on that stage, center, just staring at the empty seats. I didn't want to leave. This stage had become a part of me. I probably would have cried if I was a crier, but I'm not.

But watching that play last night, even though I hardly knew any of the kids anymore, I was able to relive those memories just for a moment. And it was great. I try very hard to not live in the past, and there are very few things I wish for, but I wish I could go back to doing high school plays. The environment of a bunch of immature kids trying to organize themselves enough to pull off a Broadway musical is something you can't find anywhere else except at a high school.

So thanks all you kids at Snake River. You did a great job and you made me remember who I am.

Love

2010-03-05T22:04:00.004-07:00

*I was supposed to be snowboarding tonight but instead, I wrote this.*

"Oh boy. Here come the punches!"

Though some may laugh and some may scorn, and some may say I'm too in touch with my feminine side (I don't think I have one. Denial...) I have been thinking about this one a lot. And not just lately...

As I sit here alone on a Friday night, going through a list of girls that I could ask out but have not, I begin to think about past relationships and allow myself to ask the question why. That's right.

-Why?

Why is it that whenever I find a woman I want to learn to love, the feelings are never returned? Why do some women seem to want to learn to love me and I turn them away? Why do I run when it finds me and run after it when it runs from me? Am I a creep? Am I not desirable? (Not self-doubt, only legitimate critical thought)

And that "spark"? What is it, and can you create it? Or does it just have to happen on it's own?

There is this quote I often think about and I can't for the life of me find a reference. But it goes something to the effect of: *cowboy voice* "There is enough of everything in this world to make everyone happy. It just seems like most folks end up with the wrong thing." Life just seems like that. And Love is no exception.

Maybe BYU is just drama central but it always turns out in these singles wards of mine that he wants her, but she wants a different guy who is interested in the blonde girl who actually is more interested in the guy that wanted the first girl. Follow? The year ends and everyone is alone.

I jest, and exaggerate to illustrate a point.

In reality, I think I am just too picky, and that I am attracted to girls that are too picky so they don't pick me. Perhaps I just like the chase, so when I don't have to chase, I lose interest. What are you like?

I guess moving on in the topic of unanswerable questions, why is it that some couples just seem perfect for each other. From the way they look together, to the way they desire to serve each other. On the opposite, why do some couples just look like they aren't interested in each other. They are together just because they know nothing else. They live in the same place, eat the same food and sleep in the same bed but live two completely separate lives, but they still feel like they are in love? And how many relationships start and end up like this one?

Charlie Anderson: Do you like her?
Lt. Sam: Well, I just said I...
Charlie Anderson: No, no. You just said you loved her. Theres some
  difference between lovin and likin. When I married Jennies
  mother, I-I didnt love her - I liked her... I liked her a lot. I
  liked Martha for at least three years after we were married and
  then one day it just dawned on me I loved her. I still do... still
  do. You see, Sam, when you love a woman without likin her, the
  night can be long and cold, and contempt comes up with the sun.

    -Sound advice from Jimmy Stewart in Shenandoah

I don't know. I suppose I am just frustrated. The thing I do know is that I want to find someone who I can love and serve and admire, and who will love and serve and admire me in return. I am a realist and I know that no relationship is ever perfect, but I've seen some that come pretty close. I guess it all depends on how you define perfect.

I'll never settle. And for that maybe I will be alone for a long time, or at least until I change my mind. Which happens often.

I have chased and been chased by some pretty amazing girls. I am pretty sure that I have let some girls go that I could have been happy with. But I try my best to not ask the what-ifs. They only bring regret.

Re-reading this I realize my thoughts are everywhere and they are just mostly questions. I once again apologize if none of this makes sense. But quoting Jimmy Stewart, I hope to one day find the girl that I can say this to:

"You have magnificence that comes out of your eyes, in your voice, in the way you stand there, in the way you walk. You're lit from within. You've got fires banked down in you, hearth-fires and holocausts."

Those types of girls inspire and motivate me. They make me want to be better. They have a light that illuminates my mind. I really don't think I will ever achieve my full potential until I find a woman that brings out the best in me and I in her.

I think I will just pick my heart up off the floor now. Sorry for making such a mess. :)
(What compels someone to write this and publicly post it anyway? Weirdo...)

Public Face, Private Face

2010-02-28T22:20:00.001-07:00

  So I often judge people. Everyday in fact, but one thing I always wonder at is what that person is like in their private life. A man is only a good man when he can be good even when nobody is watching. I have loved and continue to love this saying, despite the fact that it condemns me.

  People have two faces. Public and Private. I see it with everyone I meet. First, their public face which is usually cordial, kind, and respectful. Sometimes it's the other way around, but either way, there is a whole other layer to that person that they hide, on purpose, from acquaintances.

  For example, a person who says and demonstrates in public that he believes in Christ, but continually complains and often skips out on church. A person who always talks about doing grandiose things to people who he will never meet again, hoping to boost their opinion of him and never having to follow through with his promises. A person who lives publicly as a chaste and virtuous person, but secretly is cheating on his wife, or indulging in the voyeuristic things that our society offers.

  The thing that I like about this is that if you keep in mind that every person has two faces, it really levels the playing field. Nobody is perfect, but everyone tries so hard to be. That means, when you judge someone, remember that they most likely have their own shortcomings, their own faults and trials.

  I don't mean to say that everyone is inherently and secretly a bad person, hiding some deep dark secret. I am sure that there are many out there who have no skeleton to hide at all. All I am saying is that we all struggle, we all fight, and we all win and lose sometimes. As I said before, I judge people all the time. And I suppose the point I am trying to make to myself is that I shouldn't judge. At least not as harshly as I sometimes do.

  Christ is the ultimate judge, and I am grateful that he see's the good and the bad. that he understands what each of us face from day to day in the light and the dark. In public and in private. On a side note, I think that one of the deepest evidences of love is when a person is willing to show their private face to another. To open up and share their imperfections with another. It takes trust and sensitivity on both sides, and with the help of each other, lots of things can be overcome and turned into strengths. Coming back to Christ, isn't that how he loves us? Doesn't he know our imperfections and hasn't he promised to turn them into strengths?

Hope

2010-02-21T22:38:00.000-07:00

So if you notice at the top of my blog, I wrote No fear... Only Faith.

This is something I have been thinking a lot about and so I decided to organize my thoughts here and see if anyone else could benefit from my ramblings.

Fear and Faith are opposites and it is near impossible to have both exist within the frame of human emotion at the same time. The strange thing is both are extremely motivating emotions. "I am afraid of not getting into my program so I will do whatever it takes to get in." OR "I know that I can make it into my program if I work hard enough." One is an example of fear and the other is faith. These are examples from my own life and in my personal experience, I find fear to motivate for a short time but then thoughts that cause fear tend to tear apart the soul as well. You start to doubt yourself and then you give up. Fear is simply the first step to failure despite whatever your intentions were at the time.

Faith on the other hand is a builder. I have faith in myself and despite my setbacks, I can pick up where I left off and continue to progress. Faith is the first step toward success. You have Faith, then you overcome setbacks and unforeseen obstacles and then you reap your reward.

This is where the gospel comes in. Are you afraid of not getting to heaven, or do you have faith that you will be welcome there? Are you afraid that your sins are unforgivable or do you have faith that the Savior can make you whole?

So to anyone that reads this, I would challenge you to ask yourself whenever you face a challenge, "Am I afraid, or do I have faith enough to succeed?" Whatever it is, approach it with Faith. You can do it. You are a Son or Daughter of God and He is on your side. And with God, nothing is impossible. With Him, you are always "enough."

New Look!

2010-02-21T00:46:00.000-07:00

So after my last post, I decided to give my blog a new look. Thank goodness for free templates. I did have to get rid of a butterfly at the bottom but it's all good now.

I felt the sunrise was adequate and I have always seen birds as a symbol for flight or soaring, which is what I want to do this year as far as my personal progress goes, and green has always represented life/living things. My life is healthy and growing and I am extremely grateful for that.

I am also working on setting up two new blogs. One to mark progress for a popular diet I will be trying, and another to post my sketches and artwork on. I need to get a scanner first, but as self conscious as I am about posting my artwork, I think it will be a good thing to share. For me anyway, maybe not for you. :)

Check it 2010~!

2010-02-08T10:24:00.004-07:00

So this is definitely a new year. Thank goodness. I'm glad to be leaving behind 2009, however, it was a good year. I have termed it the year of recovery. 2008 was a disaster and at the time I didn't realize there was anything to recover from but boy was I wrong. But now that the past has passed, I am finally in a position to be happy and working hard.

I have found myself more motivated than ever and although I still have things that I need to fit into my day, for the most part, I can sit down at the end of the day, look at my list, and feel pleased and productive.

A week ago also marks the 3 year mark since I have returned from my mission. Man, What have I been doing? All my friends are graduating and headed off to graduate school and I am still trying to get into my program. But that's okay.

So I have termed this year the year of Abundance. Sister Hall, my choir director, gave a whole talk about how you are always enough when you have God. Nothing is impossible. She talked about living the abundant life, which doesn't mean you have a lot of material things, but that every aspect of your life is abundant. Finances, Spirituality, Happiness, Confidence, and Charity. All these things have a varied level of influence in your life and if you focus on making each of those aspects of your life abundant, then happiness and success are sure to follow. Not immediately though because you must be persistent.

So welcome 2010 and the abundant year, because that's how I am going to live. No fear, only faith. No disappointment, only lessons learned and progress made.

The Truth

2009-10-14T22:33:00.001-06:00

So, I had started that last post, but never finished it. It was however updated by my friend and old roommate Brett Call. I left it up because I thought it was an interesting observation despite it's non-truths.

Update from Happy Valley

2009-10-12T18:31:00.002-06:00

So, I realize that school has been in session for a while now, and I need to keep my fans appeased. (Ha, good one.) So my life has not changed since I last wrote. I am still in to cycling and still not losing weight. But hey life goes on and I can't complain. School is going good. I just skip classes but occasionally go to my art class so I can get a good grade. My pet snake is still alive and kicking just eating live mice. It is fun to watch. Other than that, my life is a bore and I just sit at home and play Final Fantasy Tactics on my computer. That is right. I downloaded an emulator and play old videogames on my computer. Don't hate me for my vices.

40 Miles

2009-08-10T10:10:00.002-06:00

I hope this picture is visible enough. I tried to leave a map of Ogden on the left side to give you a good idea of where I was. As for a written description, We started at the Sinclair station at Trapper's Loop, rode over the pass to Pine View Lake, Went around the lake through Huntsville, over the dam, and then up Old Snow Basin Road and back to the summit of Trappers Loop, and then down to the Sinclair Station. Yep, 40 Miles!

What am I talking about? What did I do? Well, let me begin by saying I didn't think I could do it, and I am pretty pleased with myself that I finished in good time even!

My brother has recently taken up Road Cycling as a hobby and he loves it, so I thought I would try it. Borrowing all my equipment from various friends, I went on two preliminary rides a few days before and then my bro decided to refine me with fire.

Throughout the Bike ride, we road close to 40 miles, ascended nearly 4000 feet throughout the ride, burned 3200 calories, and almost died. I am sure you all know how hard it is to ride a bike uphill. Well imagine riding one uphill for 5.5 miles, coming down, riding flat for 20, and then riding up an even steeper hill for 10 miles, and finishing with a downhill of 5 miles. IT took us 2 Hours and 50 Minutes.

As we were riding up old Snow Basin Road, I probably went an average speed of 4 mph. It was all I could do not to fall over. I looked up to see another of our friends who was just ahead of me and he was weaving all over the road just to remain upright. I laughed a little because I was doing the same thing.

Here is the kicker. We never stopped. We road straight through. It is, to this date, the hardest and most physically demanding thing I have ever done.

Now, all I have to do is get my own road bike. Because it was one of the most miserable/enjoyable things I have ever done.

Thanks for Reading mysterious Readers!

WhatYouOughtToKnow.com

2009-07-17T01:07:00.004-06:00

So for everyone who is desperatley waiting to know what happend at American Idol Auditions. I failed. I didn't get past the first round, but it was fun!

I wanted to let you all know about this sweet web show that is on the verge of extinction. These guys are great and I find it always very informative and funny! Check it out! If your bored watch a few videos. The multiverse is one of my favorites.

www.whatyououghttoknow.com

These dudes are great. Tell your friends.

American Idol and a Pound of Flesh

2009-07-10T15:12:00.004-06:00

So for those who havn't heard yet, and who might care, I am off to Denver to try out for Season 9 of American Idol. I really hope it becomes lucrative, and that I succeed and I really do want to be the next American Idol. If it doesn't though, don't expect a fit or to see me crying. I'll let you all know how it ends up.

On another note, I watched the movie Seven Pounds last night with my mother. First, it is an amazing movie. From the filming and editing, to the acting and story, Will Smith did another great job. But something out of the movie that really struck me. When Will Smith is sitting with the old man that he gives a special gift too, the man asks, "Why are you doing this for me?" "Because you are a good man." "No, why are you REALLY doing this for me?" *Pause* "Because you are a good man, even when nobody is watching."

I have probobly heard the "Be good even when nobody is watching" thing all my life, but it wasn't until last night that it seemed to really strike a chord. I layed awake thinking about it till 2 in the morning.

Anyway, as for the pound of flesh, my brother Chet and I also are training for a Sprint Tri in Septemeber and we ran the last two legs of it today. I can barely walk. After 13 miled on the bike and 3.2 miles on foot, I am hurting. But it feels good. I lost 3 pounds of water through sweat in the run.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Animals

2009-06-16T21:42:00.001-06:00

I have become fascinated with animals, and because of it, I seem to attract all sorts. Throughout my life, I or my family have had too many cats to count, 4 dogs while I have been alive, a Rat named Diddo, pet fish, and cows. I don't know if you could count the cows as pets but they sure were a pain.

My current pet count is 1 Black Widow and a Ball Python named Grizwald. My snake has shed once already and he seems happy for a reptile. I have "bug fights" with my black widow in which she always wins, so we have come to call them feedings instead. I say we because I keep her at the office contrary to other employee's feelings. Well, I used to. She isn't in the office anymore, but she makes reappearances on feeding days for those interested.

I love animals. I love watching nature shows and going to zoos and aquariums. I love the colors that aquatic animals especially present.

My most recent adventure happened tonight when I smelled a skunk outside while I worked at my computer. I rushed outside hoping to find it and boy was I in for a surprise. I never found the skunk, although it still smells, but instead, in one of our window wells, I found a Kestrel Hawk. He was small and stuck. I caught him with leather gloves and I was amazed at his talons and how they almost dug through the leather. My mother and I brought it inside and fed it some raw hamburger and gave it a little water. We then took it out and let it fly away, but it was amazing! I caught and held a hawk!

The thing that I love and appreciate about animals so much is the amazing pieces of art that they are. God could have only made so many masterpieces, with all the symmetry, vibrant colors, and patterns. God truly made the earth beautiful and full of life. So many different kinds of bodies with different personalities. Awesome!

25 things about me (posted from Facebook)

2009-06-16T21:41:00.000-06:00

1. I love movie quotes. Often times i will say things as if they were a movie quote when they really aren't just to get people to say, "What movie is that from?" Then I say, "It's not, I made it up." "Brothers, Silence! This is the vurst lunch... I effer had..."

2. I'm very self-consciouos. And because of this I over think things and I think I come across over eager and kindof a creep. But I'm not. I'm seriously, the most traditional, awesome, curteous person in the world and I can say that because I really try to be all the time. So don't run away. I'm just trying to be nice.

3. When I feel awkward, my mouth shuts and won't open again. If I try really hard, I might be able to squeeze out a few umms, and then some escape phrase like, "Big gulps huh? Well, seeya later!" And then I walk away.

4. I am extremely particular when I date. Not shallow. Huge difference.

5. I like originality. The other day I went to a potluck dinner and it was incredible! I was surrounded by the most original, non-judgemental people I have ever met. It was at my friend Dani's house but she wasn't there and I'll admit, I felt pretty awkward because I didn't know anybody, but pretty soon I was just another friend of the group, always included and never shunned. And each person there had an originality and a creativity that I found absolutly admirable.

6. Although I am unconfident, I am attracted to confidence. I'm a leach in that respect. I often gain confidence from the encouragement and compliments that I recieve from people that I percieve as confident individuals.

7. I'm not a huge fan of spectator sports. I can watch them and I like to go to the occasional college football game but in reality, I will never watch sportscenter, nor will I admire any sports star for his ability. I think alot of sports stars are admired for their talent when it turns out they are a real deuce.

8. I hate rap music. And I use hate in every sense of the word. I hate it so much. I hate hate hate it! I can't even begin to tell you how filthy and evil I think it is. I don't care if it's hypocritical, I hate it. I'll even say that I think rap music should be wiped off the face of the earth and that I think nothing good has ever came from it. I'm not open to discussion about it. I hate it. I hate it so much that I feel bad about how much I hate it. I HATE IT.

9. I am an extremely overly hopeful person in everything. From my aspirations to my dating life. I think it is a particularly good thing but at the same time, its hard to cope with the dissappointment. And just a tip for any girls that may not be too interested in me, I don't catch hints. Ever. I over analyze and I always choose the more hopeful option, so if you aren't interested, tell me. Otherwise, I'm never gonna get it. :)

10. I am an artist at heart. I love to create, to perform, to sing, to dance, and to express myself in the not so typical way. I like to go all out and when it is aproprite, I like to be the center of attention. There is nothing like being the star of a play or musical and performing for a sold out audience. At lunchtime, I would often sneak into the highschool auditorium and just sit on the edge of the stage and dream. My very last show my senior year, we struck the set and once everything was clean and most the cast had left, I just sat on the stage and was afraid to leave. I knew it would be my last show for a long time and the feeling I felt was easily comparable to a break up.

11. I love my family. I love every single one of them so much. I don't often do alot to show it but I think about each of them alot. I especially have two amazing parents that I have always felt I have a very unique relationship with. The spacec between me and the rest of my siblings is huge (I was an accident) and so I was raised as the last child in a nearly empty home. So although my parents were very much parental figures in my life, they are also my best friends and I know that I can trust them and go to them with anything. I love that. I'm really excited to have my own family one day, too.

12. I am a dreamer. Whenever the smallest thing happens that might lead to something exciting, my mind races and immediatley thinks of all the possibilities that could happen. The good and the bad. But when this mixes with my hopefullness, I often set myself up for disappointment. But it's ok. I'm used to it. I am also a dreamer in the literal sense in that almost every night I will have a dream about something. I've even had a full length science fiction film dream where I watched myself from thrid person and saw the story from start to finish complete with cinematography, acting, and even production design. It was pretty crazy. When the dream ended, it faded to black and then I woke up, completely baffled.

13. My favorite food is sandwiches. And I can eat a hamburger at any time of the day, no matter how long it has been since the last time I had one.

14. I like to read despite my inability to make time to read.

15. I want to be an illustrator/fine artist. And I would love more than anything to be able to find a way to provide for myself and my future family through my art.

16. I have a hard time making lasting friendships.

17. I hate to be alone.

18. When I was two years old, I was bit by a dog in the face. Now I currently have what I consider to be one of the coolest scars in the world. It's a small diagonal line across my left cheek.

19. I label all of my things with the name Chuck Norris, and have been known to turn in papers and quizes and to sign rolls with the name Chuck Norris.

20. I really like to do all sorts of activities. Rock climbing and Hiking are among my favorites, but something I often try to hide about myself isthat I enjoy from time to time the really geeky things, like video games and even tabletop strategy games. I'm also sometimes ashamed of my enjoyment of video games. I honestly feel that they are a complete waste of time, but they are just so fun.

21. When I got home from my mission, I actually lost all of my confidence and became very worried about what others thought about me. I finally feel like I'm getting over that.

22. I can't lie. I mean, I could if I really wanted to, but it's something that is really hard. Usually, if I don't want to tell you the truth or what I really think, I just won't say anything, with my mouth anyway. My face usually gives it away. As my friend Ian told me once, I wear all my emotions right on my sleeves. I'm pretty easy to read, which is a huge disadvantage.

23. Along with my dreaming, I'm a wisher. If I had three wishes, I would wish for the ability to fly, to be indestructable, and to not have to breathe. Where would you go?

24. I have a massive admiration for those who travel the world and serve where they go. Lots of people go on missions, but I love it when people go to simply work and help, whether it's farming and clearing land for south american tribes, or serving in an orphanage in Armenia. I would love to do something like that someday.

25. I am almost unoffendable. The only people who can offend me or hurt me through words are the people who are closest to me and who I trust unconditionally. It's that breaking of trust that really hurts. So call me what you like, cuz most likely, I won't really care, unless I care about you. But on that same note, I have the hardest timme ever saying something hurtful about someone. I'll admit I'm not perfect, and sometimes I will say things behind people's back but even then I usually feel guilty about it.

Gravy, talk about revealing. I really wish that I could have this conversation with someone rather than typing it but I hope you liked it cuz this is me.

A New Job

2009-01-19T14:51:00.002-07:00

So after working a little more than a year at SecurityMetrics, a PCI Security Standards Company, I decided that I was tired of saying the same thing over and over all day long. It was a great job and I owe a lot to the management there and their kindness to all their employees. In fact, SecurityMetrics was often the answer to alot of my financial dispairs and woes, and the job itself was an answer to prayer.

But after taking a daring step, I feel that I'm worth more and that I can do more. I've decided to take a job with my brother at a Mortgage Broker Company he owns called Loanology. Since the sudden drop in interest rates, it seems that everyone is trying to refinance and get locked in to these great rates. So I wanted my cut of the pie.

After running the numbers, I found that if I work hard and nuckle under, I will be able to essentially pay for my degree if I stick with this job for the next 6 months or so. This means I will be able to focus 100% on school and my art, and opens up a whole new world of prospects in the future.

I'm excited. The risks are definitly their and I'm tired of chasing the rainbow so to speak but this is something that others in my family have been involved with for a long time. I feel that if they can do it, I should be able to as well, right? Right!

If it's one thing the Lord has told me over and over, it's the fact that I can accomplish almost anything I want to. That I can have success. The cost is that I simply have to work. I have to put in the time and effort required and I need to sacrifice. He's not just going to hand it to me on a silver platter.

So wish me luck, becuase this could mean the attaining of some of my goals that I thought might not ever happen after last summer. And that's why I'm ready to take this challenge head on.

What to Love?

2008-12-03T22:59:00.002-07:00

So I'm not in despair or anything like that, but I'm in a rather reflective mood right now. I recently ended a relationship with a great girl, but it just didn't feel right for me. I'm confident that it was all for the best and I learned that for me at least, love can't be a forced thing.

I've come to the conclusion that their is an initial connection that exists between two people. I would say most people would call it "chemistry." And if that connection doesn't exist within the early stages of dating someone, for me at least, it just can't be created. I've tried enough times to know.

Now please don't get this mixed up with love at first sight or soul mates. I believe that there is multiple matches for one individual, but that for me at least, it would be impossible to ever settle for something less than someone who I felt drawn to.

Now to go deeper into this "drawn in" feeling, its complicated. Whenever I feel drawn to a girl, there are a lot of different things that happen. I get nervous, and anxious but mostly when I'm not around her. Second, I feel greatly inadequate, but in a positive way. I feel that I need to be a better human being, and I receive motivation and the desire to reach my full potential. It's a moving emotion that requires me to act.

So I guess this is my list. I think if I'm ever going to find the right girl, I have to feel "right" about it. And to feel right I have to feel like what is described above.

Haha! Hope this brought a smile to some of your faces. And if your thinking, "Chad, you are so hopeless..." Well I would have to say you are 100% correct. But for a hopeless romantic, I have a lot of confidence that I will find the right girl for me. Someday... Hope it doesn't take too long.
:)

The Mass Media...

2008-10-21T11:14:00.003-06:00

So I recently read an amazing article on Journalism by Orson Scott Card. At first, I was thinking, what does a science fiction writer have to say about journalism, but I found it very enlightening and how we all need to be pretty careful to avoid being trained by the liberal and dishonest media.

I think we have all forgotten that the news used to dig down and give us the truth. But now, we don't get the truth anymore, just opinions and biased attacks.

Go here to read the article. I highly recommend you take the time to do so.

Would the Last Honest Reporter Please Turn on the Lights?

School

2008-09-29T21:19:00.003-06:00

Oh Boy... So I WAS excited for school. Now that I'm in the thick of it all, I'm second guessing. Hah! Nah, school is really great! I'm loving my art class as well as my gymnastics class. Gymnastics is so awesome. I thought I was strong but I found out pretty quick that I'm not. But by golly by the end of this semester, I will be fit as a fiddle and hopefully I'll have abs that you could wash your clothes on!

My roommates are a big bunch of really good kids. We all have high standards and help keep each other in line every once in a while. The downside to this is that two are getting engaged this week and so we will soon have to play that wonderful game of Roommate Roulette and hope we don't end up with a bad egg.

I'm also in an anatomy class that is kicking my trash. I love the class and the human body is such a divine creation, but there are so many terms that I just can't choke them all down.

That's life I suppose, hardships and trials, enjoyments and celebrations. But I'm happy to say that I love the life that God has given me. It's been pretty good so far.

Waiting for School

2008-08-07T21:32:00.002-06:00

So I'm pretty excited to get back to school. I spoke to one of my roomates today and it just got me all ready to get down there and live it up a little. However, this summer sure has been full of great things too.

First, I can't say how grateful I am for wonderful family. Chet and Tresa have done me such a huge favor in putting up with me and some of my awful habits this summer.

Second, I have had good friends to help me through the not so fun times.

And third, I have a few nephews that I'm sure gonna miss.

I've worked at Mimi's, PacSun, and even in Portland and though my finances aren't what I hoped they would be, not working for Pinnacle was the best decision I ever made.

I did go to Vegas not too long ago and that was fun too. Thanks to Spencer and Jill for that.

But as I look over this summer, I've learned alot more about life and people than I thought I would. It's interesting how the Lord teaches you in any situation, and that he seems to lead your life where he wants it to go as long as you let him.

For a while, I got caught up in my own sorrows and trials and had quite the "pouty" attitude. But as I got to know new people at work, and was able to understand what others had to deal with, I learned that my personal troubles were just a small drop in the great mixing pot that this world is. Some of my co-workers were getting divorced or had been, others were getting ready for college, and others were thinking about getting married. Some had addictions, others had "preference issues," and then some just had plain issues. And then to think that these people had family members that shared their burdens too! Gosh, my petty problems sure seemed insignificant compared to what others dealt with. How could I be so self centered?

That said, I'm still dealing with my own hardships, but I've found that it sure is nice when someone helps me out by sometimes just listening or helping me out somehow. And the crazy thing is that when you are the helper or the burden sharer, you forget about yourself for a while and your burden becomes lighter as well. I guess this is what the gospel teaches though, right? Maybe I just need to listen more.

I guess I'll stop preaching but this summer has been a lifechanger, and I hope whoever reads this understands what I'm trying to say.

Portland and The land I Came Back Too.

2008-07-11T23:37:00.003-06:00

So I was rushed away to Portland about two weeks ago on a special mission. My old boss called me with a special invitation to return to the pressure washing business for a short week to clean the Portland Oregon Temple. It was great! Hard work but great!

We shined it up real nice making sure we removed the mold and moss from every square inch of outside surface area. And we did it all in record time! It was pretty neat hanging from ropes on top of the steep roof. Portland is also a very beautiful place. Green and occasionally sunny.

When I got back, work at Mimi's had changed a little. It had gotten slower. But the sweet thing is that somehow I still make my evening quota and tonight, for the first time since I've started, I made over $100 in 4 hours. It was awsome to be able to drive home knowing I did a good job.

The job at PacSun hasn't been going very well but some interesting news is that they called me today and, despite the fact that I've only worked 4 hours total since they hired me a month ago, the store manager called and asked me if I would take a new position in the store as the backroom manager. I would get a set schedule and a "significant" pay increase. I still don't know what I'm doing there but oh well.

So there we are! A bit of an update on me. It's been a while, I know but honestly, I don't even know who reads this. :)

Oh and in case anybody is interested in this little fact, everyone is getting married. I have a ton of announcements lying on my dresser and I have friends calling me and telling me they just got engaged and stuff. It's definitely been the summer of love, but not for dear ol' Chad I guess.

Getting My Feet back on the Ground

2008-06-07T21:22:00.003-06:00

So coming home was a big decision with alot of consequences, but the great thing about it is that I am so much happier.

It seemed like everyday that I was out in Virginia, my spirits grew lower and lower until I just couldn't be happy. With anything or anyone.

Now that I'm home, I have nothing. The good news is that my brother and his wife have been so kind as to let me stay at there home for the summer in Fruit Heights! It is so much fun! I have 3 nephews here that are a handful at times but they sure help me grow alot and I get the impression that they like having me around too.

I'm currently working at Mimi's Cafe in Layton as a server and have a second job as a Product Rep at PacSun in the LaytonHills Mall. I just got done with training at Mimi's and it is finally become "lucrative." Thank Goodness!

As for Megan and I, our relationship ended a few days ago with thankfully no hard feelings. I still have strong feelings for her and it was hard to end, but time heals things pretty well. She's fantastic, but she's going through a crazy time in her life right now and there just wasn't room for me... It's hard because in life, to prove you love someone, you have to give them everything, but other times, the best thing you can do for someone is to remove yourself from the situation. I don't doubt now that this is how things are supposed to be, but whats supposed to happen in life is most often hard to deal with.

So in short, I'm single, I'm working, and I have excellent family who loves me, and I'm so greatful for all of them everyday. Life doesn't ever stop and I'm slowly learning that if you do, catch up is a tough game to play. I hope that made sense anyway...

A Little Change of Plan

2008-05-17T01:48:00.002-06:00

So here I am, sitting at a computer at some little motel in Green River, UT. I feel like the biggest loser because I couldn't even hack my new job for 2 weeks. I got out there and it didn't seem that bad at first but door-to-door sales is the worst, at least it was for me.

I was making sales and everything but even when I sold a security system, I would walk out of peoples houses just feeling terrible. Pinnacle Security has a great product and if you can sell, you can make alot of money but I was miserable. So now I'm here, waiting for a bus to get back to Salt Lake.

We got stuck here after a bus breakdown. So now I have to look for a job and start all over. It's not too bad. I'm just excited to get home.

The Drive from Heck

2008-04-28T20:53:00.002-06:00

Well, I understand it's been a while since my last post but as a quick update, here is a list of great events that have happened in my life since my last post:

1. Things with Megan are great! (I couldn't have asked for a better past 2 and a half months)
2. Things with Megan could be better (I'm not going to be able to see her for 4 months)
3. Finals went well, I am pretty sure I passed all my classes.
4. I quit my job at SecurityMetrics. Great Job.
5. I'm now out in Virginia selling security systems. It's funner than I thought it would be.
6. Doug Got married. I was the best man.

And that's about it.

Now to tell you briefly about my drive to Virginia. I suppose there isn't a whole lot to tell other than Wyoming is an ugly state, Nebraska was really dark, Missouri looked old and moldy and the rest is just a blur because I was so tired of it all... By the time we arrived, my whole body was hurting. I had a headache, the tendons on the inside of my knee were killing and it was hard to walk, I smelled like an old sock, and my eyes were so dried out that it hurt to blink. But needless to say, we made it in under just 36 straight hours of driving. Rodney ( a guy who I work with) and I took turns and made no stops except to buy gas. Crazy eh? Rodney was a slower driver though so I ended up driving alot just so we would get there sooner.

My first day of selling went well. With almost no training, I got into a few doors, and some people are interested in me coming back. There are alot of black people in Virginia and they are just great. They are alot of fun to talk to and selling today turned out to be alot of fun. And plus not alot of people can say that their first day of selling was during a tornado and pouring rain. I guess a tornado took out a hospital just a few miles from where I was but I didn't know. I couldn't see anything. I just kept running from house to house to minimize my rain intake.

Anyway, hope this small update is sufficient for now. Stay tuned for more from Mr. R Chad Ruger.

The last in line...

2008-03-17T14:32:00.000-06:00

My mother has always called me the "caboose" and for good reason. I'm the youngest in my family by almost 10 years, and ever since I was 9, I was pretty much raised as an only child, with more parental figures in my life than one boy could handle.

Now don't understand me wrong, my parents did a fine job raising me. My siblings would say that I was spoiled rotten and I'm sure compared to their lives I was, but I like to think of it as being just right. But my brother and sisters have sometimes never seemed like siblings. Because they have always been older than me, they have always been people to look up to and admire, people with footsteps to follow, and they have definitely always been people with too much good advice.

I remember so many times my brother and I driving to some store, and he would put his hand on my knee and say, "Chad, let me tell you something about life..." The next few minutes of the drive would then turn into something similar to an interview with questions like, "How many girls have you kissed?" and "Are you interested in anyone?" Those questions would soon be followed up by pieces of advice like, "You need to kiss as many girls as you can and let me tell you why..." or "Play the field and find out what you like before you get serious." Most times, I would just laugh it off and not really know how to handle his advice. But I guess I've never forgotten it...

I remember another time when Robyn and I went to the track at the high school late at night so she could run and work out. Robyn and I always fought when I was little but I remember having the very first serious talk with her that I had ever had. We drove home and I told her about how the kids at school made fun of me because I was fat. I don't remember to much of what she said other than "You just need to change it then." But I do remember that she listened and that she really cared about me. And that meant alot, because if you ask my mom, I had always wondered if Robyn liked me or not. But I've never wondered since then.

And then there is Erica. I think I will always be her Chadly-Bean. Our age difference is huge, but I always remember her taking me places with her or toting me around and just treating me good. She really is like a second mom. My earliest memory of Erica is when she took me with her to college. I can't remember alot, but I do remember her taking me to the indoor track and me trying to keep up with her. I specifically remember the yellow lines on the track and the little gym on the side with a butterfly machine. I thought it was so cool that every time I see a butterfly machine, I think about that time. Erica has always made sure that I was taken care of, and I think that's why I think of her as a mother and a big sister.

Lastly, there is Meagan. She's the sister that I have never known in this life, but has had such an impact through the simple knowledge that she is my sister forever. I was speaking to my mother about her on the drive home this weekend and she told me how Meagan just loved people. And she always brought the best out in others. My mom related a story to me about my Grandfather Ruger. My Grandpa Art was never a man who showed or said how he felt about others, but when it came to Meagan, he would always say, "I just love you!" And when my sister Erica had gotten in a car accident and Meagan was hurt from the seatbelt across her chest, Erica was so worried, but when she held Meagan, Meagan was more concerned about Erica and just patted Erica on the back and said, "Ecka, you 'kay? Ecka, You 'kay?" She was only a two year old girl when she passed away but she left such a large imprint on this little family that even I was effected by her.

I love my family. My parents have done so much for me and if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have near the amount of success that I've had in my life. They have always been so supportive of me and they have always been there when I needed them, and even when I thought that I didn't need them. They have done quite the job of weaving this group of such different people into a strong family that will always be there for each other.

So being the last in line hasn't been so bad. You get advice from the collected experience of so many adults that sometimes you still don't know what to do after you've asked for help, but you appreciate it anyway. So thanks a ton for being my family.

I love you guys and I wouldn't trade any of you for anything.

Life is Excellent!

2008-03-11T14:27:00.002-06:00

So last week, I had 5 tests, and a speech to prepare and somehow, with a lot of help from Heavenly Father, I made it through the week.

So I don't really have much else to say other than life is excellent. I'm happy, I'm learning to deal with my limited amount of time, and things are going. Not necessarily as planned, but they are going.

And I'm glad.

Time and Stress

2008-03-04T21:40:00.003-07:00

So just last week, I had a mini-breakdown of sorts. I was speaking with my roomate about time and how I just don't have any, and then after talking awhile, it became very clear how many dumb decisions I've made over the past 2 months. I've spread myself so thin that I don't have time for the things that I WANT to do.

Well, my thoughts escalated to the point that I really needed to let off some steam and talk to someone. Who else than good ol' Mom. I phoned her up and in the course of the conversation she asked, "Are you asking us for money? Is that what your doing?" I thought for a moment that 'that would be nice.' But then replied, "No, I'm too proud to do that." We both had a good laugh.

It was just good to get some things off my chest and speak with my mom. But the funny part, if you don't know my mother, is how worried she gets. She called my brother Chet and told him he needed to call me and "check up." Although it was great to talk to my brother, it was just funny how it all turned out. I'm really grateful for a family that cares so much.

So now that I've been able to get past my little meltdown, I've come to grips with how I need to spend my time. The stress levels are down as well, and it seems that although life just gets busier, it's not as hard anymore. I don't want to say that all it takes is a perspective change, but that's all it took for me.

The only downside is that I still don't have a lot of time to do things I want to do. After weeding out the not-so-important stuff, I still struggle to enjoy myself. I guess what all this really comes down to is that I just don't have enough time to spend with that pretty girl I mentioned before. Although I think about her alot, I just wish their was an extra hour in the day that we could spend together. Her schedule and my schedule are complete opposite of each other, and though it makes things tough and confusing, I sure am crazy about her.

Hopeless Romanticism

2008-02-25T14:04:00.002-07:00

I don't know if I even spelled that right, but you know, sometimes in life it seems that the nice guy finishes last. Just the other day, a guy I worked with told me a story about how his fiance has just given him the ring back with the excuse, "I loved my last boyfriend more than I love you now." He could only reply with the question, "But do I treat you better than he did?" The answer was surprisingly yes, but it didn't change anything. So now the poor kid is single again, not understanding what happened.

There are a few men out there that have lives just like that. They respect women, they love with all their hearts, and they always finish somehow, still single. Romantic, but hopeless!

That's the way I felt all last semester. I tried so hard looking for what I wanted, treating girls how I thought they liked to be treated, and by the end of it all, I still found myself sitting around, with nobody to share my time with.

So I stopped. I just stopped trying, stopped sulking, and stopped worrying. The funny thing is I don't know how that would have changed anything, but it worked!

It just so turns out that there is a pretty girl out there who seems to like me just as much as I do her. It's so nice. We communicate, we spend time, and just genuinely enjoy each other.

So it looks like I get to take a leave of absence from that "hopeless" club for awhile. We'll see where it leads, but though I can't see to far up the road, at least I'm not looking by myself anymore. Thank goodness for that!

Sleeping.

2008-02-18T23:23:00.003-07:00

I think I'm what you call a chronic sleeper. No matter how hard I try, or how much I'm interested in a subject, If I'm sleepy, I have no hope of staying awake when I need to be. Like church. The talks are good, the singing is good, but then how would I know? I'm always dozin'...

It's probobly my job. I work from 5-10 in the morning, but it's alot better than it used to be. It used to be from 2-7 in the morning. No social life, no sleep, and terrible grades. Is it really worth a good paycheck? Yes...

Gosh, I'm greedy... Well, I guess we all gotta live somehow!

A Realization!

2008-02-13T22:30:00.002-07:00

So I was just driving home from Pinnacle Security Systems tonight, and I suddenly realized how old I was. I'm twenty-two! Now that's not too old but I'm not a kid either. I thought about myself and my personality for a little bit and said to myself, "I'm a man, and I need to start acting like one."

Now, I'm not saying I'm this immature, weak little kid. It's just I realized that I needed to stop looking at things as if I was nineteen years old. Ever since I've gotten home from my mission, I've been really shy, especially around girls, and I've been super afraid to ever really take control of a situation, simply because I don't know what to do.

So I sat there thinking, "Stop being a wuss, and be a man about things. Take control and stop acting like your fresh out of high school."

I've always looked at myself as a little kid, because that's all I've ever been. My brother and sisters have always been the adults, and I've never felt like I could catch up to them, but now, I think, it's not a matter of catching up, it's just putting things into proper perspective. I'm not a little kid anymore. And I think it's so silly that it took me this long to realize it!

On another note, I think dating is awsome... Just thought I'd throw that out there.

So theres always a girl...

2008-02-09T00:02:00.001-07:00

Hypothetically speaking, what does a guy do when he throws up all his feelings on the front step of a girls house, decides that he really wants to get to know this girl, and then feels like she reciprocates his feelings? He gets excited of course! But then what happens when the girl seems to have a sudden change of heart, and doesn't really give the guy the time of day? Of course, she's busy with school and stuff, but she seems to have time for her other friends, right?

What makes the chase so exciting, that it can hold a person captivated for months, if not years? But then once the chase is over, why do our feelings seem to disappear? When you like someone, it has always been my understanding that you want to spend time with that person. So much so, that you make time even if you don't have it. The grades suffer, and your late for work, but your happy because you are able to spend time with the person that fills that certain void in your life. Isn't this how it's supposed to be?

I don't get it...

What is it about these things?

2008-02-08T23:38:00.000-07:00

So recently, I've noticed that everyone seems to be getting a blog. What is it about these things that are so appealing? Why would anybody in their right mind want to have a journal-like object on the internet for everybody to read? What is it about blogging about your life that appeals to people? But yet, despite my lack of understanding, here I am, writing a blog entry, and creating a page where my thoughts can be shared with anyone who wants to know them. But then, I don't know if I even have anything important to share.